I had an interesting experience last week that, on the surface, should be obvious to just about everyone. The fact that it surprised me should indicate how insidious the negativity can get when your finances are failing.
We had a bill, for $1062, to be paid to our Homeowners’ Association, for dues and late fees. It had been festering out there for some time. They had sent terse letters which I had ignored, in true ostrich behavior. My HOA is not, as you would assume, a group of my neighbors. Since our neighborhood is brand new, the HOA is controlled entirely by the faceless developers until we’ve got 75% of the lots in the neighborhood sold, built, and moved in.
Thing is, I didn’t have $1062. I was so overwhelmingly negative about my situation, I was in an all-or-nothing state. It hadn’t occurred to me to call them and try to work something out, debt collectors want their money now, in full, with a piece of your soul along with it, was how the thought process went. I was under considerable stress from all of my debt, but this one was particularly bothersome, as they were going to place a lien on our house if we didn’t pay. I wanted to run and hide.
Last Wednesday or so I pulled into my driveway and began walking toward my front door. Behind me I heard someone say “Excuse me.”
He introduced himself as Richard, from the HOA. My blood ran cold. We talked briefly, and though it was all very amicable (he was almost apologetic for having to ask), I kept expecting the “angry debt collector” to emerge. It never did.
He gave me a phone number to call for the secretary who handles payments. He just asked that I call her to “work something out. You know, some sort of plan”.
I called Judy the next day. I was ready to beg and plead for mercy. I asked what would work for them, and she said they would like to have it paid off by January. I was absolutely stunned. I worked out a plan that should be doable for us. I’m happy, they’re happy, at no point did anyone yell or insult.
The odd part of this is that most of you reading this are probably thinking I’m crazy, and in retrospect, I think I was. For years, at least the 15 I’ve been married, debt collection has been a string of angry people full of demands, and insults. I had gotten myself into a state where dealing with my debt was psychologically painful. I’d come to expect confrontation, frustration and stress.
My talks with Richard and Judy were something of a catharsis for me, and really were the final pieces of the puzzle. They’re what made me start posting to this blog. They’re what made me start looking hard at my assumptions.
I was in what I’ve always called Ostrich-mode. Stick my head in the sand and hope it all goes away, because that was easier than having to face up to the angry torch-bearing mob that I subconsciously was imagining. Stupid. And now I’m, hopefully, past that.
I’m too smart to have believed that.
