I’ve been quiet for a few days as I come to grips with where I’m heading. The past ten days were a blinding rush of exposition and self examination that, honestly, caught me by surprise.
The main thought in my head the past few days has been simple. It should be easier than this. It should not be this difficult to “get by”.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that I should be able to spend at will with no repercussions, or that some mystical force should deliver the hidden monies of the world to my doorstep (despite what The Secret people will tell you.) In no way do I believe that there should be some lower standard of responsibility, or effort.
What I’m saying is, I read about personal finance — books, magazines, a ton of website feeds — and what I read is, on some level, discouraging.
Many pundits like to talk about giving up your $6 lattés, but I don’t drink coffee.
Dave Ramsey’s sermons against credit cards are epic, but I haven’t had an actual credit card (one with a line of credit, not just a debit or prepaid card) in ten years.
And online discussions, probably due to their sheer volume of commentary, are absolutely filled with discussions on the symbolism of cash, tales of unorthodox frugality, or admonitions to trick yourself.
This is no slam against any of the links above. I chose those specifically because I enjoyed them, not as any sort of insult. All are forthright attempts to put some sort of face on a problem that, at its core, makes no sense.
On the other hand, it feels like everything I’ve read so far misses an important point.
I disagree with Ramsey, for example, about the evils of credit cards. The problem isn’t the card, it’s the end user mishandling the credit line attached. There are things that can be accomplished with an Amex or a high limit Visa that are, at best, difficult with cash, check or debit card.
Shouldn’t the goal be to make the psychology around the USE of credit more rational? Shouldn’t it be to get to a point where there is no “symbolism” to a dollar, whether it’s spent with a credit card, or as a dirty piece of paper?
Isn’t tricking yourself into saving money counterproductive? It seems to me that the real thing that needs to be worked on is the fact that have to trick yourself to do something. (Or better yet, the fact that you can.)
I like to cook. When I was first married (15 years ago today, for the record) I realized, for the first time in my life, that cooking for myself and my wife was something I really enjoyed. Unfortunately, I didn’t have a clue how to do it. Through trial and error, and fifteen years of repetition, I now cook fairly well.
When I cook, I don’t think about all the little tricks (hot pan, cold oil), about the physical aspect (how to hold a knife, how to flip an omelet in a pan), I just stand there and do it. It’s second nature.
So why is it that, over the same period of time, I never gained that second nature about money?
The goal, I think, for all of us, should be moving towards a place where the disposition of our money during each moment of every day, should be as natural as breathing. No tricks, no agonizing, just an innate sense that says “this purchase does not fit in my budget” before the urge pops up in the first place.
Naïve? Perhaps. But I like to think that as rational, intelligent beings, we all should be able to make rational choices without resorting to trickery.
We’re all too smart to live like this.
June 27th, 2008 at 3:23 am
You know about Gail Vaz-Oxlade, eh?
She’s a Canadian financial planner who has a show called “Til Debt do Us Part”; she only does people in the Toronto area, but the show is online (google the title) and she has a webpage:
http://www.gailvazoxlade.com
She’s got some useful, effective tools up: the budget sheets and the jars (living on cash) are a godsend and her advice is good, and happily offered.
I’d recommend her: she’s rather task-oriented, tart without being judgemental and less concerned with big things than with fashioning turnoquets to stop the bleeding.
June 27th, 2008 at 4:22 am
Naive? No. Denial.
Human nature. Animal nature. Selfishness is a survival mechanism. We all have it. Thinking beings need to strive for balance. Everyone has a right to the things that are theirs. Enlightened beings keep only the things they need. I am somewhere in the middle, knowing what I NEED, yet buying some things that I WANT. It is difficult - for me at least - to achieve this balance, but with every passing year it does get easier. You start thinking about what happens if you die, who is going to have to go through all of this STUFF. You start to realize that this is indeed, just STUFF. Get rid of the stuff. Pay down the debt. Buy less stuff. It is a simple concept, but in opposition to human nature. This is why I advocate visual aides. Something - like a chart or spreadsheet - that shows your progress. Give you something to look at, besides the doohickey you just bought. People need visual stimulation.
June 27th, 2008 at 12:46 pm
I think that you make a good point about tricking oneself into saving money, mostly. I believe that that is one tool that works for some people to get them to do what they need to do with their money. Nobody is TRULY fooled into saving, but it’s a mental game that people play with themselves to elicit the results they need.
In reference to your cooking vs. money learning, I may be able to shed some insight. You learned to cook because you liked it. You read recipes, tried different things and grew your mental library of foods you knew how to prepare. I suspect that if you had found 15 years ago that you really enjoyed finance, you would have read as many personal finance articles as cook books, spent the same amount of time reviewing your spending habits as you did cooking and your financial life would be far different today.
The truth is, very few people have a working relationship with their money. But, just like your frying pans and knives, money is simply a tool. It’s all about how much time you put into learning how to make it work hardest for you.
June 28th, 2008 at 8:54 pm
…but it isn’t easy. However, you can make it enjoyable. First, you at least have a hobby you love that is essential to life. So, you are a person that can enjoy just living & doing it ‘well’ (cooking nice/cool/fun stuff.) I’m a cook too, so I understand! Find more “essential to life” hobbies, soon you’ll just enjoy life, perhaps all those things you did to get in major debt will cease to matter as much. (Get rid of a house that has become an albatross, or a car, etc.) It sounds like you’re in the mourning stage…I went through it for like 2 years, beliveing that nothing would work out/help/save me. But, you will save you, & you can do it. For lord’s sake if you can operate a blog, you can operate a financially successful life! : )
I’ll be tuned into your blog, so we’re all rooting for you. Put up some recipes & start putting up some real plans about how to get out of this hole. I was in an unimaginable hole & I dug myself out…so I know you can too.
June 30th, 2008 at 11:25 pm
Love love LOVE this post! Though Momma’s right too: I’m sure if I loved cooking as much as I love taking care of my finances, I’d know how to make an omelet by now. (For the record, I really have no clue how to make an omelet… The recipes I’ve read confused me to death. I’ve decided to simply stick to scrambled eggs, since it’s about the same anyways.)
It’s completely natural for me to wake up and see what I can do to save money on any particular day. It’s typical for me to see something I like and talk myself out of it, citing lack of budgeted funds and, if I like it enough, making plans to return to purchase it. (Or saving the necessary funds if it’s an expensive item.)
I certainly don’t trick myself into saving, but it is also something I enjoy and take pride in. If you can find something about it that makes you happy or pleases you in some way, it’s only natural to keep doing it again and again to achieve the same high.
(I’m just extremely glad that I’m addicted to saving and not spending, though sometimes it’s a big issue with me too…)
July 3rd, 2008 at 2:06 am
Once again, I have to agree with Momma. She sure sounds like she knows what she’s talking about!