Too Smart to Live Like This

I want to thank all those who have joined me here, I had a bunch of kind comments to moderate. Thanks for your support.

I’ve had my posts included in several blog carnivals. Most recently my post Payroll Advance: Hitting Rock Bottom was chosen as an Editor’s Choice in the 145th Carnival of Debt Reduction. I’m proud of that.

I set out, just over a week ago, to try and get my head straight. I was posting as much for my own edification as for something I wanted other people to read.

I’ve had a rather ugly weekend. I spent most of friday and all of the weekend in a funk. I didn’t want to write because I’m concerned that the blog has taken on a life of its own.

It seems that when I write about how bad things are, or how I got to where I’m at, I tap into something primal and the words just tumble out. But these aren’t the things I want to write about, at least not completely. I want to be taking positive steps and writing about what I’m doing to get out of my situation, but when I try the words just dry up.

It makes sense, I guess. My whole psyche is based around the behaviors that got me where I am. I don’t really know the guy who wants to make changes, and so the words are forced.

I’ve got a few more posts about “rock bottom” in my mind, but I want to get some more positive, constructive posts out of the way first.

As a side note, I suspect there’s something wrong with my feeds. I have three feeds at feedburner, one for all posts, one for health only and one for money only. But the “all posts” feed doesn’t seem to be working. I’m going to fix that shortly, and I’m considering going back to one feed. I think I need TWO blogs, not one combined one. I’ll figure it out shortly. This may mean that all five of you who subscribe to my feeds may have to move. Sorry about that.

Jun 23rd, 2008 3 Comments »

Can you do a hundred push-ups?

I guarantee I can’t. Honestly, before today, I’d have told you I couldn’t do a single one.

I just got up off the floor, where I did four. Yes, four. The sad thing is, it’s almost like a victory. I’ve got no history of having any muscle mass, so even four seemed like a lot.

The website hundredpushups.com is a challenge to get people doing one hundred pushups at the end of six weeks. I’ve signed up, and so should you.

Honestly, if I’m going to get my weight under control, it will need a bit more than just push ups (and it’s hard to do a deep pushup with your belly in the way) but every little bit helps.

Jun 18th, 2008 4 Comments »

60 Minutes had a fascinating story on sleep deprivation on recently. (the other story, about Denmark being the most content country in the world was also very good, but that’s another post.)

I make it a point to get at least eight hours of sleep per day, because I realized some time ago that I am deeply affected by sleep deprivation.

As if to underscore that, I got almost no good sleep last night. It seemed that I couldn’t relax, and spent most of the night tossing and turning. I woke up this morning… impaired, to put it mildly.

I have spent the entire day angry, which, since I’m watching my kids this week, is a bad thing. I wasn’t even angry at anything real, I would just focus my anger on whatever was in front of me.

The 60 Minutes report talks of there being a physical impact from sleep deprivation after a single night. One otherwise healthy test subject began exhibiting pre-diabetic syptoms after just six days of being limited to just 4 hours of “deep sleep” per night.

Fascinating report, and well worth the watch.

Jun 18th, 2008 1 Comment »

One of the things I’ll be working on through this is my health, mainly my weight and general fitness.

When I grew up, back when mom was cooking my meals, I was skinny. I was really underweight. I was a geeky, unathletic, acne ridden nerd. I played no sports. I had no muscle to speak of.

The day that I graduated High School in June of 1987 I had a doctor’s appointment in the morning as part of my preparations for attending college in the fall. That day, in shorts and a t-shirt, I weighed 135lbs. At 18 I was fully grown, so then, as now, I’m just a hair short of six feet tall. For those of you metric minded out there, that’s 1.8 meters tall and 61kg. Or 4 cubits and 9.6 stone if you’re so inclined.

When I was unleashed into a dorm situation late that August, and began living somewhere that I had some leeway in choosing what I ate, the lack of any throttle on candy and Mountain Dew, not to mention the introduction of Alcohol, Cards, Alcohol, and 3am trips to Taco Bell (washed down with alcohol), my poor body began to have to deal with a radically different diet. They talk of incoming college students gaining the “Freshman 15″. By Christmas break I’d gained “The Freshman 35.”

I ended up hovering around 180 for a long time, mostly because I was working jobs that were, while not physical, at least kept me mobile. I’d spend 10 hours a day on my feet working as a manager of a retail store, or spend 8 hours as an on-site repair person, carrying computer equipment out to businesses.

At some point in the mid 90s I got a desk job, at first just Data Entry. All my jobs since have been me spending 8+ hours a day with my ass planted in an office chair wiggling my fingers. I can trace the start of my serious weight gain to just about that point.

So the tale of the tape right now is that I’m six feet tall and weigh 334lbs (151.5kg). If you’re paying attention that’s right at 200lbs gained in 21 years, since the day of my graduation.

I’m afflicted by the normal fat-guy ailments. Sleep Apnea, fatigue, aching joints. In 2002 I managed to sprain both my ankles at the same time (I don’t recommend it) and the right one never really healed fully. If I have to stand for a long time, or walk a long distance, it will begin to throb.

And don’t forget, when this started, I was a 135lb weakling. I know a few “big fat guys” who are, without question, the strongest men I know. They’re all former football players who “let themselves go”. I don’t have the benefit of a large muscle mass. My weight is all fat. Any muscle mass over what I had in ‘87 is what my body grew to compensate for having to carry more weight around.

All this has to change. I need to drop considerable weight, and build some corresponding muscle mass. I need to increase my endurance, so I can walk up the stairs without being winded. I need to come up with reasonable meal plans, not just for myself, but for my family.

I’m too smart to be this unhealthy.

Jun 13th, 2008 1 Comment »